Yesterday it was Prague International Marathon. Faithful trigger. However this year I was soemhow peaceful with muscular arms and legs everywhere (even in the church!). Running used to be part of my healthy identity. I was the-orienteering-girl-with-long-legs-and-map. And than, suddenly (or not so suddenly) it became a problem, a crucial part of losing my identity. But I don´t want to write about it right now. Not yet.
I remember the first day in physiology lab room. I was 19, naive and full of semi-functional hypothesis and thought I will simply validate. I didn´t know much about Karl Popper and methodology. Actually I didn´t know nothing about it. On this day we were counting red blood cells and evaluate effect of several agents on hematopoesis. The results weren´t so explicit as we were expecting and everyone was slightly disappointed (well mybe it was only me?). Doctor Viking (he looks realy viking-ish and before I started to work with him I was so scared of him) told us, that when we wanted to be good scientists, we would have to learn giving up our premises and live the moment fully, be alert and not to cling rigidly on our experiences. I recalled what he said frequently.
Now, Remedy wants me to do similar thing. She thinks I said too analytically, I made too much (useless, autoacusative and comparative) associations and I don´t use my senses for living in presence. She is probably right. This hypertrophic associating and my love por numbers, proportions and p-values may be sometimes useful for my work, but not for my recovery. I am trying to do Remedy´s mind exercises and I really increasingly perceive some things I didn´t percieve before.
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