It is what Remedy always tell me. Think about consequences of your actions. Make short analysis before you do something you are not sure about. I am trying.
I am searching for a flat in Berlin. To live on my own or to live with someone else? Consequences? Well they are mixed. I know I should socialise. I know it would be cheeper. I know I would have more opportunities for doing something unexpected and "normal", something else than my routine. On the other hand I always tend to do not so well with eating when living with more people together (I mean workcamps, summer schools and some practical trainings when I lived outside home for longer than 2 weeks). I am kind of addicted of being alone. When I was first diagnosed with anorexia, the psychiatrist suggested I could have some kind of late onset mild Asperger syndrome, but I don´t think so and this diagnosis was never confirmed. I am trying not to push the decision, I search something in internet and exchange some emails with my friends living in Berlin and I will see. I have one more month to decide.
I love my translating work. I never thought I will appreciate my trilinguality, it used to make always kind of mess in my head, because I felt like I don´t fit anywhere, I don´t have propper home and everyone see me like foreigner. Sometimes I just feel overwhelmed with swedish, czech and german words. My sisiters both study history and languages, but I never tried to make something usable of it. Now I am enjoying it! I am so used to work with people, but this is satysfying as well!
Another story is that my friend who I know from hospital has some major psych-problems and I am absolutely clueless what to do. Of course I am not only person helping her, but I have some kind of weird responsibility for her. We know each other for 8 years and she was doing great, the slipdown was so sudden. It is not 100% anorexia relapse, but I am all the time so worried about her and at the same time I feel guilty because I know this feeling is exactly what lot of my friends were exposed because of me.
Ok, back to chemistry and tocopherols, littlebig well-aranged logical kingdom.
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