So.
I'm back from 64 days long inpatient treatment.
I've kind of met myself. It was weird.
I've realized how sick my thoughts are.
I've realized that the journey will be longer than I thought.
In first days of my treatment I thought (and was recommended by everyone in my ED team) that I will never be able to go to Berlin this fall. They told me I needed to rest every three minutes or so. Both physical and mental rest. After six weeks of intense cognitive behavioral therapy my team was convinced, that one year off won't be the best for me. It seems that everytime I had too much time on my hands (usually because my therapists said me I need rest) I suffer a horrible relaps.
So that:
I am going to Berlin!!! Grad school. Belated but so excited. And little bit scared.
I decided not to live with Lisbeth (my sister) or in my own flat (too expensive and too overexercising-tempting) and I am going to share a flat with 2 more students/flatmates/hopefully friends (?). (I would never ever give it a try before CBT ->MAJORLY SCARED, but little bit proud as well). I will write more after my arrival to Berlin.
Things to do, learn, love next week:
Relax. Stay hydrated. Move around but NOT overexercise. Eat more nuts and generally tasty foods with higher content of fat. App in the school. Meet Anne. Meet Katja. Eat snack infront of friends. Finish the translation. Write CBT journal and blog. Be honest.
Oh my goodness. My deepest, most heartfelt congratulations on completing your treatment. You're a strong, strong person.
ReplyDeleteI missed you and I'm so glad you're back.
Take Berlin by storm.
I'm happy your out of treatment and can move on with life. But remember what you learned, keep in mind what you realized about it taking time. Dont get down on yourself!
ReplyDeleteThank you Lisa for your kind words. It means A LOT.
ReplyDeleteI wish I was strong as you write. I am certainly heavier and more smiling person now:)
Sending some good carma to you and VERY quiet and obedient carma for your little students!
Having realizations about your situation is a good thing. Otherwise, we can spend eternity in denial. I'm really glad the impatient treatment was helpful.
ReplyDeleteI hope this next step in your life as a grad student in Berlin is full of hope, "real" life, and discovering happiness.