- Some good time with my Grandmother and "little" cousins (I can't believe A. is soon leaving for uni and E. is already doing her IB!)
- Some crying
- Short, but wonderful hiking trip
- Rereading Franny and Zooey and Crime and Punishment
- Realization that I am not yet able to eat without quite strict plan
- (Good old) realization that I am doing/eating/coping far better when I am slightly stressed (spring break -> in Modest Mouse words: Good Times Are Killing Me) and overloaded with studying, work, plans and when I am living on my own (it is weird because at home things are far safer and more predictable; maybe I am finally too old for living with my parents)
- Pasolini's The Gospel According to St. Matthew (wonderful!)
- Lot of chocolate and thinking about future - I have another quite big decision about next fall in front of me. Did I mention I hate decisions about myself and only myself? Although this is deciding between good and good.
- Thoughts about my younger sister - she is about to become a senator in her faculty and it is wonderful to watch her being so self-confident, having her voice and making a real difference. I am so proud of her and at the same time I feel slightly jealous (and hating myself for it)
Now I have ticket to Berlin for tomorrow and I am scared and relieved at the same time. I am scared of living with my flatmates. I am scared of social ocassions. I am scared of summer clothes, summer sports all around me and the temptation of overexercising. I am scared of not overexercising. I forgot to pay one particular thing for uni and I am teasing myself abouti it all day and I am scared of forgetting another termines - I've never forgot or missed some important deadline. I know, it is not so important, but I feel like crap.
But there are things and people I am looking forward. Sun, my bike, my lovely labmate and some traveling, school work (although my brain wasn't just lying on the couch and doing nothing, I am really really thankful of some regular brain load. I am expecting a visit of my 2 best friends in May- big anxiety and bigger joy at the same time. And I am looking forward to writing couple of long letters and hopefully receiving some answers. Letters are best! Berlin theaters, museums (thursdays free:) and the exhibition of Frieda Kahlo! Seas. Colours. Taking pictures.
Living. Living. Living.
No comments:
Post a Comment