Saturday, May 8, 2010

umbrelled (I am lame neologizer)

I don't have much to say.
I feel lazy. I used to plan every minute (really), every single bite, every step. Anorexia provides me with the drive, iroically with some kind of mental energy. Motivation, obsession, plan... Now, my weight is healthy and I could do so many normal things I have dreamt about for years. But I lack the motivation. I am not lying in bed all day, but I feel like it. I have to push myself even to some walking, exercising and reading which is so very not me (but who I am now?). I think I am not depressed (I have been there) just somehow umbrelled, just don't know where to find some alternative source of healthy drive. Where where where?
However I hope everyone is enjoying a nice sprig weekend hopefully with more sun and fun than it is currently in Berlin!
Don't let your ED be your umbrella! It may protect you against some rain, but, in the end it will grow bigger and bigger until you can't see a single piece of sky. And raining sky is better than no sky, isn't it? Moreover, the air after the rain is lovely.

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