balance needed

Long time no post. Well- long time no time.
It is absolutely surreal that I am last week in Berlin this year.
I should study and have A+ in my exams and I should care about how my students scores in their exams, but I am somehow out of my /usual/ self.
I have had two one-week-long visits, which was for me really huge challenge. I am doing good in weekend visits/trips, but having someone one week at my place in the exam period and 40 degrees outside is still big step into my personal /mad/space. I think I did well. At least my visitors were comfortable and enjoyed the hot hot B-City. And I enjoyed it as well, it was just bit tiring, because I tend to overdo everything and don't like being just part-time host. But there were couple of moments where I was really happy- I was happy with where and with whom I am. Who I am is still a question. But it is for everyone, isn't it?

Food is longer chapter that I can handle right now in this post. I never ever thought I will be in food situation like this: I am mix of eating very good but very rigid and than again irregulary, wird hours and even weirder combinations, sometimes too much I think. It is hard to admitt it and it is hard to write about it, because having my eating habits 'under control' (however ironically it sounds, but you understand..) was always the biggest priority. Number one. Something as natural (hahaha) as breathing. It was me, my identity, my life. It was The Constant. It may be The Sad Deadly Constant, but still... And now I am confused and embarassed and without it. I don't mean just without restricting and without being BMI that is not even included in this doctors manual tabs. Who am I without my Eating Structure, which I love and hate? I am afraid that I will overeat and I am afraid I won't eat properly or normal at the same time.

I just wish so so much that I don't care about such a thing. I have 16574632 tasks and 41464116546 interests and dreams and my biggest never ending theme is this.

I think this post should be nominated for the most boring, nonpoetic and nothing-saying post ever, but I just thought it would be fair to update.
I will be in Prague next week, so that I will try to update more on the academic, personal, non-ed (really) level.

I hope everyone has perfect summer, traveling, relaxing, working, discovering, recovering... xxx o.