fear (un)concentrated

I was diagnosed with anorexia in the summer before 9th grade. Since then I have been told many times I wouldn´t be able to study due to anorexia. I was in treatment 3 times, but I´ve never missed any year of school (however if there was some course called normal teenager´s high school experiences, I would probably fail).

I have never had a problem with combining anorexic behaviours and excessive studying. Now, after almost a year of "real" recovery attempts, I am absolutely SCARED of this years exams. My brain, who has been treated with ketons for years has now overflow of brain food, glucose, fatty acids and neurotransmitter precursors, but it seems now he can´t digest it. I am super nervous, unconcentrated, irritated and anxious about school work. It´s my last pregradual year and the final Exam (eeeeeeeeeeeee) is creeping on. It´s not very motivating.

Maybe it´s unconscious fear of leaving home and making all these scary changes. I am afraid of City which is three times bigger than my current one, loud, intensive, multicultural close ground. I considered smaller city near Switzerland, but the decision is made. I should be uber-happy. However I feel like 5-year old lost in Berlin U-Bahn.