Autumn in the air. Too fast, this year it has skipped the crispy clear phase and it rains and rains.
My life is living itself without me. I don't know if it is good or bad or something else.
I passed the megagigasuperterahyperexam and I am not feeling elated or so. It has just happened, with me like a random acter.
I am officialy back in "therapy". Not like IOP or so, but I think I need some directions and feedback right now.
And: my mental health would be probably bit stabler if I didn't fall in love with someone who is (again) almost 20 years older than me and is (by the way; again) my professor.
Wow do I relate to how you felt after passing (hooray!) that big exam. For so long, I've had a hard time really feeling good or proud of accomplishments. I just kind of check that box off and keep going on with my life, not taking time to celebrate or even consider that it's something to be happy about. Achieving things is what you *do*, right? But your awesomeness will never lose its shine, even if it seems blase at the time...maybe sometimes you could try some role playing to be more objective, ask yourself how you'd respond to a dear friend that just aced a big test like that, and apply it to yourself?
ReplyDeleteCrushes are hard, ones that cross any type of demographic category (age, race, religion, etc) are tougher. I hope that it doesn't cause you too much turmoil...
Keep hanging in there and take care. <3
Thank you Cammy, you're so kind!
ReplyDeleteI'm trying to convince myself that crushes are somehow normal- signs of me becoming healthier, my brain having more glucose to these "useless" escapades. Deep in dark anorexia years I was absolutely intact towards men (and relationships in general). But still..sigh:) Have a great weekend!