the psychiatry (not-)Déjà-vu

Today I have to make a neurologic examination in psychiatric clinic where I was hospitalised when I was 14. There is an autistic kid whose mom is in one study which I am working on. Today I was not in ED department, but I am still bit confused - of course the fact there are so many girls and boys struggling is hurting me and bringing up deep memories and attracting my attention at the same time. Yes, I felt almost magnetised to these long corridors, eating rooms and garden full of shaddows of people. On the other hand, I realised I REALLY didn't want to be one of the shaddows, so ill, desperate, hollow and trapped in myself without future (it's lame, but not so long ago, I really was jealous and wished to be locked in there). I was feeling so alive and real in this sad building, alive and going from somewhere dark to somewhere better. This summer is/was stressful and not like I imagined it would be, I haven't have holiday and I've missed my volunteering trip because of work, but I think I am (slowly and not through the best landscapes)moving forward.