I have probably broken a record in incoherency

You know what triad: almost-necrosis of someone's left hand, caffeine-induced encephalopathy and useless persistance is? Well I don't know, but I have it. Or it's lupus. Or it's multifactorial blah. I've written like 50 pages of notes and my head is blank, hollow, braindead. And I quite like this information overload and numbness. I don't have to think about how lame I am when I am studying. The interactions in human body are much easier than interactions outside it. Well they are not and the fascinating thing is how one process is life saving in one situation and deadly in just a little bit different one. I should add another symptom: desintegration of thoughts. And it won't get better today.

I wasn't doing very well this last week:/. Today was the first normal day without any ED craps or tears. I hate to write it, but it's my reality. Reality of being physically probably healthiest I've been (because I am too reasonable lazy to run my 10 miles a day and I am too scared to divert from my meal plan, because I did it in the past and it allways end in full blown anorexia and it was so "easy") and still far form healthy (because I am too weak to give up my myriad of exercise and food and other rituals and fears who are living their own life that is as patologically persistent as I am and that is corroding my head form inside.)
I've passed my last practical exam ever, but I didn't do very well. The patient I have "for exam" was really uncooperative and I was somehow distracted and basically the only thing that went really well was ECG interpretation (I got very "nice" one, but I am afraid in theoretical exam it won't be that easy). I have horrible feeling about that practical exam and even worse feeling about the final one.

In other news M.'s teacher simply rented a bus, took his students and they came for a visit. It was supersweet and even though I was afraid that it could be bit overwhelming for everyone, especially because they insisted on making a picnic, but it went really well. I and sister promised to bring some plates and drinks and M. did quite ok with food and a lot of attention. He wasn't his old himself, but he was acting like someone who is alive for a while. The teacher, Mr. H. made everyone play this game where you are supposed to tell what feature you want to borrow from a person who is sitting next to you and which of your features would you pass to someone who needs it. It was nice. Seriosusly- 16 and 17 years old are much more grown up that I thought/remembered.