Mum is in San Diego on conference and because M. has been gaining weight for 2 weeks in the row according to his plan, he was allowed to have another weekend with us. We decided to go to weekend house with my Dad, sister and M. The weather forecast was really bad and we all planned to do some paper/school/writing work, watch a movie or play scrabble, but in the end, it was bit cold, but not raining and we got one nice short hike with M. and I was able to run a bit, we worked a lot in the garden and repaired a fence and we picked wild strawberries in the hills like crazy. I think Czech has mastered their berries picking talent during the times of war and then during communismus when there was relative lack of fresh fruits. Strawberries reminds me of childhood and of the fact that easy things like sun, sugar and bright colours can make someone really happy. I would prescribe everyone 2 handfuls of wild strawberries with their morning antidepressants. Actually I would prescribe it for everyone in the world. I've prepared huge pan of granola with almonds and these strawberries in the morning and it was nice.
¨Rest of the strawberries.
I wish I could really enjoy it, feel the joy of being with my family and eating nice food and my body being able to climb a forest path and have a nice landscape view. I like the World, I am trying to like it, its complexity amazes me, but I feel tension and weird thinking patterns in my head and anxiety all the time and one of the big big fears is that this will never change. Another one is that the next X years of my brother's life will be similar to my life. It is nightmarish prospect. Why did it happen/is happening now?
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