Sunday, June 3, 2012

momentum

Already the fact that I am writing this/here is ridiculous. Things are I am ridiculous. I intended to write an email to my best friend (who probably already gave up on me during her last visit) and tell her...tell her es geht mir nicht gut. But I could not and here I am, writing to nobody. I have almost everything I have ever wanted work-wise and I am ruining all the fascinating possibilities in grand style with *surprise, surprise* my eating disorder. I've always thought that my work is something that I want so much that it will always motivates me enough to stay away from clinically/socially apparent ED/depression behaviours. Mistake. I know I need to do something if I want to stay sane and adult and I do not know whether I care enough to --- but probably I care at least minimally given I am writing this drama queen pathetic note to self.
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1 comment:

  1. ZuzkaAugust 2, 2012 at 4:53 PM

    Oh my - I'm really sorry that I'm reading this only now :-( (I'm going to subscribe to your blog by email right now, so that I read future updates in a more timely manner...)

    Anyway, I'm really, really sorry that you are struggling :-( You are NOT ridiculous at all. I think it's good that you wrote something here instead of keeping it all inside. (Though I really do hope that since this post you also managed to reach out to your best friend or someone else you feel comfortable with.)

    I'm very happy that you are enjoying your work (I hope that is still the case!), but please don't use that as a reason to beat yourself up about the ED and depression.

    Uhm, and I'm sorry for possibly being too nosy, but do you know what is it that you are missing in your life right now? I think it's great if people enjoy their work/job, but I think that by itself is rarely enough to make people really happy (but maybe I think so because I can't imagine that work would ever be the only thing needed to make me happy - even if I happen to be a professional triathlete in the future, which seems to be one of my dream jobs right now).

    Anyway, hope you are doing better these days :-) *hugs*

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