Pizza panic/partial success

Pre-warning: the most boring post EVER. I just wanted to share my (haha) "success".

So tomorrow after work I'm supposed to go for a dinner (pizza:/) with my working group and some visiting researcher. I know it since Friday and I am scared. As I mentioned in my recent post I don't feel like belonging there and to be somehow useful and like having something to say or contribute (partially it is my paranoia, but only partially:/) and it makes the eating part much harder. At Friday my first thought was: great- so you'll restrict and overexercise the whole weekend to reduce the level of anxiety at least tiny bit. Fortunately (or UNfortunately - this knowledge is nothing else than years of experience) I know that if did so, on Monday I'd be an exhausted emotional wreck panicking even more and acting even weirder than usual. So I was brave and ate every single bite of meals and snacks during this weekend (plus now I am going to eat my night snack) and exercise like every weekend and I probably'll just reorganize my meals tomorrow and hope I will survive. It is quite probable that I will actually survive. The question is the degree of anxiety --> awkwardness I will reach...

crisis plan

I am sorry for the last post full of negativity and self accusation.
But it has actually helped me. I was rereading it and I was so disgusted with my whining in circles. Things are tough, but I CAN CHANGE them partially. I can change myself and the little piece of the wold around me.
So what I was doing today for it:

-I rode my bike to campus and spent some time organizing my work there (it turned out that I did actually too much of my research last semester, so that I am almost done with things I planned to do at least two semesters. I should be happy, but I really really need my work.) Oh but the campus is so so full of spring mood- tulips and daffodils all around and students sitting in the grass. Univeristies are calming like zen gardens.
-I bought bigger breakfast than usual and ate it in the park
-I bought Kafee!!! I know many people are saying it is anxiety booster, but for me it works somehow calming, I don't know why.
-I put new light on my bike
-I spent some time in Treptower Park
-I planned two trips for tomorrow and next Saturday with my lab mate
-I invited two more friends to come for a visit and sleep at my place. It is hard for me to let someone step into my routine and because me and my flatmates are quite independent on each other, I live here practically how I want to. I had one friend here in November and it was extremely enjoyable and stressful weekend at the same time.
-I agreed to cook a dinner with two friends on Sunday or Monday.

Ugh. And now I am going to read a Girl Who Kicked the Hornest Nest and trying to be a Girl Who Kicked the ED.