I am sorry for the last post full of negativity and self accusation.
But it has actually helped me. I was rereading it and I was so disgusted with my whining in circles. Things are tough, but I CAN CHANGE them partially. I can change myself and the little piece of the wold around me.
So what I was doing today for it:
-I rode my bike to campus and spent some time organizing my work there (it turned out that I did actually too much of my research last semester, so that I am almost done with things I planned to do at least two semesters. I should be happy, but I really really need my work.) Oh but the campus is so so full of spring mood- tulips and daffodils all around and students sitting in the grass. Univeristies are calming like zen gardens.
-I bought bigger breakfast than usual and ate it in the park
-I bought Kafee!!! I know many people are saying it is anxiety booster, but for me it works somehow calming, I don't know why.
-I put new light on my bike
-I spent some time in Treptower Park
-I planned two trips for tomorrow and next Saturday with my lab mate
-I invited two more friends to come for a visit and sleep at my place. It is hard for me to let someone step into my routine and because me and my flatmates are quite independent on each other, I live here practically how I want to. I had one friend here in November and it was extremely enjoyable and stressful weekend at the same time.
-I agreed to cook a dinner with two friends on Sunday or Monday.
Ugh. And now I am going to read a Girl Who Kicked the Hornest Nest and trying to be a Girl Who Kicked the ED.
Wow, sounds like you are working hard to stay occupied and challenge yourself. It can be really hard to break up routine and have other people in your space, so I'm glad that you're opening up and making time for friends, they are way more important than spending evenings with the ED.
ReplyDeleteHang in there, you are stronger than you give yourself credit for!