I am in LOVE with grad school. I am so excited!
This week is just orientation week, but I've seen two of three campuses and WOW. After welcome session I made little tour de library today and I am somewhere between fascination and anxiety attack- I want to read, remember, connect, know- and than- what if I fail, what if I will be rejected, what if I will get lost in this research jungle? But generally I am really looking forward to both clinical and gradschool thing.
There is one BUT after looking forwad. Compared to my previous studying, this will take much more time. I mean much more time out of home. Out of my habits, exercise, little (but still significant) compulsions. There will be weeks on which I need to be from 8 in the morning to 8 in the evening in one of the campuses. There will be less busy weeks, but generally, my "plan" to be in school afternoons and have mornings for myself (=exercise) doesn't work. Docents and Profs are expecting us to be on conferences, to teach our little groups (in the first semester it is voluntary, but I want to do it). My CBT-T wants me to be social and adventurous. My nutritionist wants me to eat, eat, eat. My anorexia wants me to restrict and convince me, that on days without exercise I am big fat nothing. And I don't know what do I want.
Breath first. That's what school is about finding out what you want to do. You can do this! Remember your body need's a day or two off every week to repair itself. Just tell your anarexic side that your resting/studing now so you can work out harder the next day.
ReplyDeleteAnd yes you have to eat. Your going to be on the go all the time so if you don't eat you will not be able to work your best.