My parents are back from Switzerland, visiting Berlin this weekend. They don't sleep at my place, because my room is 10 square meters, but we plan to spend the whole weekend together and on Sunday I am going with them for one week to Prague.
Already first evening was tough- eating with their friends who saw me in 2008, 20 kg lighter and...another. On the way to them I almost gave up. I was so scared and I didn't care at the same time. I can't explain it, I somehow turned my limbic system off and the whole night functioned just as someone on my surface, someone who is reasonable, who eats and drinks wine, who makes jokes and who is actually an adult. I still don't know what to think about it. I was calm and interested and somewhere deep truly sad. I don't know why. It was me and it wasn't. It wasn't real and it wasn't just a play, a farse. Is this life?
It can be REALLY tough to meet up with people who haven't seen you since you were at a lower weight. But remember that 1) you notice your weight gain more than anyone else, and 2) when other people notice, it is usually seen as a positive thing, not a negative, because you look healthier and more beautiful now, I'm sure.
ReplyDeleteI definitely know what it's like to go to an event or have a visit where you feel disconnected, lonely even when you're surrounded by others...give yourself some time, hopefully you'll be able to unwind and enjoy your trip! My one memory of Prague is getting separated from my mom downtown after dark one night...but anyway that's irrelevant, I hope you have a fantastic time! Maybe once you're on the road, being removed from your normal environment and zone of control will make it easier to open up, relax, and connect with others?
Best of luck!